Things won't be the same again

While listening to EraFM, there's this song "things won'nt be the same again" popped up and that really rings alot of things. The song alone actually brings about many memories but I should'nt dwell into the past. I used to do that when i was first year though perhaps things were not hectic and I had more time to spare on such things x)

right, one day..I think few month ago or this month - I'm not sure, saw this nick and then decided to check the email address who owns the nick and to my surprise, it's THE girl! yeah and i mean THE!

Let's go back to the past.....

when i was in upper six, i was the emcee for this forum competition among religious institutions. Among those that participated was SUAMP - which is secondary arabic all-girls school. I was still young with the raging male hormones so i tend to be courageous enough to approach girls asking their msn - and don't misunderstand, i don't do that often though :)

well let say i was interested in one of those three representatives from SUAMP. And with my efforts, I managed to get the msn of three of them - I asked the msn of the girl that i was interested in from her friend which was also another participant representing SUAMP. I was really determined, ain't I? I feel so embarrassed!

To cut the story short, I flirted with the girl whom I was interested in by means of virtual interactions - you know using those romantic sentences and i was serious though..i was trying so hard to make her like me. To my finding, i was so surprised that the way she text in msn was let say didnt portray her physical appearance - yes, I was thinking perhaps its just her personality which was occasionally rude at me.

Later, I found out that I made a stupid mistake - I got the wrong girl! I simply flirted with her friend instead! and being ego, i decided to make things right and just confront her. I told the real girl about this and looked like she was okay with that. And so i told the "real" girl about all the misunderstandings. Of course , you would just say okay with such hurtful sayings coming from a guy. I was not being sensitive about this and selfish to be honest. Now when i think of it, she's not actually okay and she wAS actually pretending to be okay whereas she's not :s i know i made a huge mistake and sincerely hope she would forgive me. In the end, both of them didnt keep in touch with me.

The girl that i was interested in was actually really sensitive that i could not manage successfully. Things happened which made us both into misunderstandings and I could sense that she actually disliked me. I told her about the girl whom i used to like as well and apparently she conversed with the girl - its simple, the girl whom i used to like was actually HER SENIOR in SUAMP! busted! So that's where things started to get messed up I guess x)

that was really twisted at least for me x)

First Day trip to Liverpool (But I'm studying there!)

Today was my first day trip to Liverpool and it was tiring. So I actually understand what my friends had went through during their day trips here x) hence its better for one to just stay overnight rather than bothering to catch the train to go back at the end of the day.

Arrived Liverpool from Ruabon (Rhiwabon spelled using Wales language) around 11am and walked from Central station to Agnes Jones House to store my fieldtrip gears. Then I went straight off to Harold Cohen Library to scan my maps so I could digitize them during my holiday in Brunei (less than a week actually, funny not that too excited perhaps I have still tons of work to do for my project!). I waited for my demonstrator at the Gilbert Lab after the bits of pieces I had to do in the library. Gilbert Lab is actually a small computer lab situated in our department.

So I finished everything by 2.30pm realizing that i wont make it for the 3.13pm train since I had to buy graph paper and sheets of A4 cards at Ryman (cool 10% student discount of course!)

As I had initially planned few days ago, I also took the opportunity to grab some bbq lamb ribs from Chicken Bazooka and it was really great! too bad I was there on 3.30pm so i couldnt take the privelege(mispelled it perhaps) for the lunch deal x) and having not eating meat for a "long long long" time I decided to takeaway some bbq lamb ribs with to Ruabon (im having some of them for my dinner tonight yummy - my shoestring chips are in the oven whilst i'm blogging lol). for 5 weeks of fieldtrip now including Donegal Ireland, I have been eating seafoods all day except for If im not mistaken 5 days? of meat.. so 5/35 days of usual diet and 30 days of seafoods...so i'm absolutely sure i would be sick of seafood by the time I'm in Brunei! :D

And have been wondering about a mate of mine, looks like he's not that "cheeky + perky a bit" as usual. Perhaps something's bothering that brother. Guess I'll just have to wait for him to cool off x) no he wont be reading my blog. My blog doesnt get visited regularly like it used to (assuming it DID! lol)

Biased sensitivity or being too hopeful?

I could be sensitive at times, depending on the time on what sort of replies I am expecting from that particular friend.

And to my finding, I tend to be sensitive with replies from my opposite sex friends - females. Yes, this does not occur to me once but more than that!

feeling confused, perhaps I think it's just my personality - women are naturally more sensitive than men so I expect them to be more you know responsive and often I failed to get such responses. I think I am just being too demanding. And as we're growing up, it's just natural that they would create a "barrier" to limit the interactions. But I think this sourced from my personality alone as it is my wish to restrict any social interactions with women. But those whom I consider as a bit closer compared to other females friends, I expect them to treat me a bit more - responsive, happy, attentive, passionate?

And guess what, I think that is just so wrong! I am expecting them to treat me as if I am special to them when i'm not. What if they DO? then how would I respond? hmmm now that's one of the thing I wouldnt want to imagine..ever -.-" so I think i'm just being naturally seeking attention from my female friends at times..I do have cool male friends, they are awesome including alniz the awesome buddy..apakan hehe :p but I do need some "love" from the other party as well...that's disgusting..you've to excuse me tonight...surely I would also feel disgusting of myself when i wake up the first thing tomorrow X)

I feel it's funny that a week ago? or more than a week ago i felt disappointed with a female friend of mine simply because how she replied my wall post in facebook. So sensitive azree eyh? And i dont feel that way with my guy friends..this is getting weird..takut ku eh..but its alright i think i dont feel that way anymore as I have become less of a hopeful guy friend now :) so I'm taking it easy and just let things the way they are..when I get married, surely my wifey wouldnt want me to mesra with my female friends right? well i would also feel the same with my wife. So yeah :) growing up process? perhaps (dot dot dot hmmm) *Publish post!

Friendship - duel standby!

After doing some bloghopping and feeling jobless tonight, therefore i would like to blog some random stuffs. I do have some stuffs that i need to do but im just lazing around hence "jobless" is just nevertheless an excuse i made in order to just think I am kinda free ;)

Friendship as any other type of relationship is subjected to face certain problematic situations. As a result, this would inevitably makes the friendship either just to be more strengthened, neutral or in a worst case, broken off. The last one does not mean you dont socially interact with the person but rather not as often when the friendship was still free from any complications.

In life, there are things that you couldnt control no matter how much you want to. So friendship is one of those - its all about mutualism just like symbiotic algae. Like a husband-and-wife relationship, but this has some further issues in itself. And yes, I am not a perfect friend. I could be ego at times, whether I realise it or not. I had misunderstandings with some of my friends. Of course, it was not that pleasant. It was rather painful. It's not easy to make friends especially those that you feel somewhat fit into your so-called super friends or whatever you want to call it :)

Having said that, I often feel sad everytime I have misunderstandings with my friend and trying to fix it can be so difficult..no..usually difficult. Perhaps I'm lacking of the so-called social ability? I would prefer to just understand a geological concept or perhaps doing some sedimentary log on a locality than trying to figure out the solutions how to cure the friendship. If I could do magic, I should just point my finger and there you go, like nothing happened between me and my friends. But that means, indirectly one can say that I would rather not confront to the real problems and just keep running away from them? Let's just forget about it..lol

Right, but I feel that the misunderstandings could also lead to "hikmah" - you would realise some good stuffs out of them sooner or later, insya Allah :) Yes I do feel sad that my friendship with some would not be as they used to be but I am growing up to an adult now - there are things that I have to accept the fact that I have to let them go :) if things are meant to be back to normal, then Alhamdulillah..if they wont then just be cool about it and be optimistic about it! :)

No, please do not take this post as a mean for me to be sarcastic or any other form of social revenge plot. Its just the things that I have experienced nso far and who knows, you might as well in the near future. Its just one of the things that you have to face in duniawi life :)

And remember that, if you ever lose a friend, let say you guys had a misunderstanding and things wouldnt be the same again then just remind yourself that you might "lose" a friend but he/she will be replaced by more than "a friend" :) yes you wouldnt get a friend with the same personality but hey, everyone's unique and you never know the potential of your new friends to fit the niche in your "super friends" circle :)

Please never misunderstand this post my friend, if you happened to have a misunderstanding with me in the past. I still love you my friend for the sake of Allah. :) We're taking it easy..what's past is past. Let's pray for each other dispite the mistakes that we did to each other ;) (oh im feeling weird saying that sentence, it feels like im saying this to a girl especially to my ex-girlfriend/ex-girlfriends lol).

p/s: for the record, i'm not a playboy. I did mistakes to girls but now im determined not to be involved with any relationships with girls. No, im not becoming a gay. Im going for Taaruf instead :) Insya Allah

Kain "chifon"

It would be almost two months till Syawal now but before that Ramadhan, an extraordinary month for the good deeds to be gandakan sepuluh kali ganda :)

As for Syawal, since this year's theme is blue, i need to get myself a blue Chifon( or shifon) not sure with the spelling though. Anyways, a kain that has abstract pattern on it but still portrays its blue masculinity..so i am planning to go for navy blue instead. I think ever since im in the uk, i have started to prefer dark colours compared to bright ones...you can see that i rarely wear bright shirts nowadays :s

Llangollen Wales~

Its my 12th day of fieldwork in Llangollen today and I have started the sedimentary logging on the quarry down by the roadside..it was great though it was mentally exhausting..

mapping will drain you physically
logging aka detailed analysis would drain you mentally instead

so either one would just make you tired at the end of the day. As a result, I need a day off at times to keep my notebook tidy and every bits to be tied in as they should be.

And its less than 3 weeks for me to go back to Brunei, im excited but a bit nervous about my project as the day's drawing near to 4th August.

new meow meow family

I am so happy right now, Alhamdulillah our mother approved the idea of adopting a kitten...its going to be cute one!

so i m waiting for a good news from my sister about the newly adopted kitten as they will go and fetch the little kittling later (so Brunei's time is now 4 am of 9th July) let say i should wait for 12 hours more! :)

can't wait to go back and hug & kiss the kitten. Of course, by the time I'm in Brunei, he/she would be a bit of grown-up so teenager cat :) sounds cool!

Demotivated in Llangollen

I honestly feels demotivated. Perhaps because of the area itself. It's huge but at the same time its steep making me to think twice of climbing certain parts of the cliff. But i have to start mapping soon. Thinking about mapping the area just makes me unhappy simply because i have a height phobia and always being hesitant when it comes to climb steep cliffs.

Today was my 3rd day reccy and yes, due to my stubbornness I almost got into an accident - falling off from the hill..well not really, but thanks to my height phobia such accident would become realised in a higher possiblity. Nauzubillah!

And tomorrow would be our supervision day so i have to make sure i've got plenty of questions to ask before I independently "analyse" the area. Well not alone most of the time..i dont mind working with my friends if its possible as my friend said it would be easier for us to look for each other in case there are dangers..and boy oh boy, steep cliffs are just a no-no here!

on top of that we have to hike to see some exposures, so i bet we'll be fit by the end of this project!

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 12 - final day

Blogged during Friday – 2nd July
The final working day involved us doing a sort of independent work where we had to plan everything from scratch what sort of stuffs we would like to know about the locality hence establish the aims from all the planning. I was really puzzled and bewildered and slowly getting grip of the project. Hopefully the hypothesis and model i proposed in the notebook are acceptable at some point. Though i am not sure whether the data i collected are the ones the lecturers and demonstrators are looking for. Just hope for the best then (:

We stopped at Belleek before going back to the cottage to give some chance to those who wanted to shop for some stuffs. As for me, I took this opportunity to phone my sister as Belleek is one of the places in Ireland where the phone reception is set back to UK due to the fact that Belleek just off the border of Ireland, I guess?
At the cottage – started to pack up some of my stuffs and now it almost done though. And around 8.30pm went to cottage 7, the cottage where Jamal and my other Saudi friends currently living in to return his clipboard. And spent an hour and a half there hanging out with the boy. Guys having fun, that was what Alex said. That was indeed enjoyable though the stuffs we were talking about or joking about seemed to be too adult-ish? For sure, i wouldn’t want to hear them almost everyday. Once in awhile doesn’t hurt though X)

Right now its 12.53 am and i should hit the sack soon. We’ll be departing from our 4-star accommodation holiday home sharp at 8am. And we’ll be visiting one of the most famous heritage site – the hexagonal pattern of tertiary lavas. Definitely no geology tomorrow, just exciting bits of science wonders and nature..one of the uncountable God’s creations

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 11

Blogged during Friday – 2nd July

Feeling happy than yesterday, simply because its the second last day for the Donegal fieldtrip. But apparently I was not glad with the work we had to do that day – sedimentary logging of Mullaghmore Head. And this time, we had to be serious about the log as it purely contributes 1/5 of the proportion of the group poster for the Donegal basin. I have paired myself with Jamal. I was really moody at first due to being unconfident with what we supposed to do. On top of that, both of us didn’t have the grain size comparator with us on that day. So I had to use estimation when it comes to determining the grain sizes –absolutely not an easy task!

I slowly cheered up myself seeing the log sheet and the interpretation & environment section slowly being filled up. I shouldn’t be moody in the first place though as it was Jamal’s birthday. Luckily he’s cool about it and I did apologised to him about me being moody on that day though. Once we set our feet back to the cottage, it was really relaxful as we didn’t have anything to worry about that night so i spent the rest of the night watching anime and drama, something that I found it hard to do amidst being busy during most of the nights just to arrange some work stuffs including notebook and group projects.

But it was also a sad night though as the marks including overall average of my second year were available and so i went to see Graham, who is our course manager. Its alright though, I still have my third year and its still too early to give up =) insya Allah.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 10

Blogged during Friday – 2nd July

Day 10, the deadline for our group poster explaining about “the evolution of the Donegal basin”. As we still need data for the quadrat fossil analysis in some areas of Bundoran bay. I volunteered to do the data gathering along with Jamal, who was also in the same group. I was struggling with the quadrat analysis and had to be reminded by Jamal how it should be done. But slowly though, I started to pick up things bit by bit. In the end, it took more than I expected it would be. Few hours just to do quadrat fossils analysis in three different localities. Of course, wouldn’t want to waste the opportunity to take some pictures and some “vaining” would’nt hurt, right? ...after the data gathering though.

I felt really useless in the group due to the fact that I could only data gather for my group but not able to process them so they are useable to be “sticked on” to the poster. I really need to improve on such skills. Turned our group was the first to hand in the poster. Feeling glad that the final group project’s over, it was still too early too relax as we had to hand in our notebook the following morning for the final assessment worth 30% of the module too. The group poster’s deadline was 8.30pm so you could imagine people still had to work till late at night to tidy up their notebooks.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 9

Blogged during Friday – 2nd July

Okay day 9, what sort of stuffs did i do back then?

Oh yeah, the rough work for Bundoran mudstone Formation starts on that day. I started to erect a sedimentary log which stretches from the base of the mudstones till the base of the sandstones. It was a tough work as later at the night i got exhausted that I found it hard to do some bits of work for our group poster. Being understanding, my group mates kinda forced me to go back to my cottage to have some rest instead. Its appropriate though as I couldn’t focus doing the work. So might as well just sleep off the tiredness. And I still remember I started to feel the fever slowly building up inside me. As a precaution, i decided to take some paracetamol before i went to bed.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 8

Right, today starts the simulation of so called “independent fieldwork” where we had to arrange our time and also might do the stuffs on Bundoran bay alone. I don’t mind to do the logging alone though as THIS is the time i need to cultivate my confidence level for my independent project next two weeks that is. I’m just hoping that my group mates would understand me that I prefer sometimes to work alone not because I am not find it cool with them but it’s just so that i can focus on my work and get the logging over with as soon as possible so that i can start the correlation and perhaps GVS.

And I am starting to feel blessed to be the only Bruneian of my intake doing the course, hence the fieldtrip to Donegal. Why? Otherwise i would be dependent on my Bruneian friends instead, thus not wanting to interact with other colleagues who are not of the same nationality. So things are turning out to be cool indeed. Alhamdulillah 

Today was just reccy or reconnaissance so didn’t do much but the fact that it was running cats and dogs was just not too good especially for me. On my way back, passed by the shelter point, and got barked at by a bulldog and i thought i was a goner for sure that moment as the bulldog seems like wanting to bite me, perhaps I have lots of yummy meats with some fatty acids eh? Kidding X) but LUCKILY the owner shouted at the dog to stop his unfriendly act to a stranger. Being panic and not knowing what to do I just sat at the shelter with my lecturers and demonstrators. I had to wait till the rain calmed down and thus, the dogs’ owner bringing his dogs away and further from me.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 7

Blogging this at – Day 8. Now what happened yesterday..oh yeah, some kind of drama in my life I guess. But it was cool. I didn’t make it a big deal like I sometimes do. I guess I’ll just keep this to myself eyh ;)

Right, the deadline of the first assessment of our notebooks was yesterday, one hour after we arrive at the cottage. And let me tell you about our last locality. We were so tired and many of the students feel asleep on the way to Aughris head, the last locality of day 7. Even the staffs feel asleep too. Yes, we had to visit 5 localities yesterday. Pretty tiring to be honest. So we arrived at the cottage on 6.00pm hence deadline was 7-ish pm. But too little time for chillax~ as the next group project starts tomorrow. Had few problems sorting out the group. But its fine, I think its okay to make sacrifice once in awhile, insya Allah there’s hikmah. I just cant wait for this to over..Im just finding difficulties at times, but boohoo, this is my third year module.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 6

Project feedback received in the morning and utterly frustrated. Perhaps knowing this is a 15 credits 3rd year module makes it more depressing. But having frustrated many times for the past few weeks (i mean exams), I dealt with it quite okay. I do feel however the residual frustrations still..but its alright, there’s always next time, I just have to concentrate on the next projects then!
Our first assessment notebooks would be tomorrow so everyone has to hand in their notebook 5.00pm tomorrow (Day 7). I do really feel GLAD that it has been almost a week since I’ve been staying in Donegal and being a pesketarian (wrong spelling perhaps? Hee). And i still not able to continue watching a Korean drama – “Personal Taste”

When i was in Belleek after the fieldwork, phoned my sister while only having 80p worth of 02 credit (+447523848589 thats my number)..see I feel so disconnected that I’m revealing my phone number in the blog. But its okay, I don’t think a stranger would give me a ring or text message. Right, when I reached the cottage, tried to recharge as my credit was 1p after the phone call and what do you know, *recharge is successful*! Feeling happy, and at the same time thinking that the allowance must be out then, Alhamdulillah..to be honest I only have around £4 in my reserve account! Well its alright if the allowance would be out let say on the scheduled date which is 28th June..as I still have 28 euros left, enough for me to survive till 2nd July with fish and chips + of course, lemon mayonnaise sauce! Hehe

And lastly..I feel so emotional and sentimental right now...I need a girlfriend! Whom I could joke with, main poke2 di facebook, manja-manja...hugs..love u mwah text messages..and I think i am so thankful I just have ex-girlfriendS now as I have decided to go for “taaruf” but I think im just growing up and occasionally the hormone would strike me down with such “manly” needs..dont get me wrong, not the thing related to, in biological terms – sexual reproduction. Okay this has been too detailed enough. Sleeps! *texting si kawan, wishing ia perempuan sanangku propose, erk..this is so wrong!

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 4 & 5

I’m typing this in day 6 though..well day 7 to honest actually as now its already 12.05 am. Right, how was day 4 & 5? I would say things started to get busy!
Day 4 – we had a meeting about our group project poster and arrange everything, I had a handful of confidence in this thing, thinking everything would be completed in time. My task was to arrange bits of pieces of the younging table based on the structural relationships found during the duration of the fieldwork (Day 1-4). So in the end, I slept late at night..and woke up the next morning with my occasional moody look as a result of not having enough sleep.


Day 5 – deadline for the project(Ardara Pluton poster) was at 8.30pm and our team could not finish the poster in time...especially referencing the younging tables based on our notebooks. We just didn’t have enough time to put pieces together. Some other teams were also struggling I guess. A project done! WORTH 30% now that’s really brings the chilly spine through my back~Sleep..Text a mate of mine, I really feel so disconnected with the outside world right now..but I am still thankful as I have started to get along with some of my colleagues as there are 30 of us on this trip and each 5 living in a 4-star cottage. I think we deserve such quality of accommodation judging how this fieldtrip has been treated us ;)

Azrii’s Donegal diary - Day 2 & 3

Day 2 & 3
Okay i give up, i find it hard to type in malay so allow me to use inggeris then..inggeris kapal  kidding..day2 was nice and today also has been okay for me, finally starting to pickup few things although to be honest I am still confused with what's gping on with the geology, that is why i prefer not to have my independent project involving igneous and metamorphic rocks, I am just not that good in identifying minerals!
Tomorrow would be another locality after spending two days in Tremore beach...at the end of the day, many of us just fell asleep in the coach during the coach journey back to our cottage, and thankfully, the accommodation in this place is totally luxurius! 4-star accommodation..i think this is the luxurius fieldtrip ever and not that physically demanding compared to last summer’s Cantabria Spain..though frankly to say, this fieldtrip is mentally demanding? But it is to be expected for a 15 credits module.
On top of that, there’s no internet access here so we have to go to either nearby pub or the public library..the pub and library are just within 15 minutes walking distance though..and I still haven’t try to take a look at both..well im not interested in the pub but if I have to go there for internet access, I guess I would just do it once or twice..this is my 4th day without making any “outside” contact..this means no facebook or twitter or whatsoever..we’ll see how long I could take it ;)
And thanks to Al~ as always yang selalu melayan si kawan..he’s been a good guy friend, if i ever need a friend to reply my text in a long form, then he’s the one I could ever depend on  i guess i have a collection of friends and Al~ just fits nicely to this “niche”  payah ni cari kawan macam ia hehe. Alhamdulillah.

Azrii’s Donegal diary – Day 1

Hari ini merupakan hari pertama fieldtrip ku di Donegal, saat yang dinanti-nantikan. Bukan kerana “iski” akan tetapi diriku tidak tahan apa yang bakal ku hadapi dalam fieldtrip ini. Selepas berlalunya “day 1” , susah dek kerana mencuba memahami butiran-butiran data yang diperolehi. Sebagai penuntut tahun tiga, kami diajar oleh para professor-professor terbabit dalam menguruskan projek geologi secara berdikari.
Syukur ke hadrat ilahi walaupun diriku merupakan penuntut Brunei tunggal bagi kursus ku , akan tetapi saya tetap mempunyai sahabat yang terdiri daripada pelbagai warganegara. Ini bermula selepas fieldtrip ku ke Cantabria Spain pada musim panas yang lepas. Oleh kerana kursus selama 2 minggu tersebut, saya semakin akrab dengan beberapa rakan seperjuangan yang belum pernah ku bertegur sapa. Kalau iya pun, mungkin sepatah dua sahaja. Walaupun tidak serapat dengan sahabat-sahabat yang mempunyai warganegara sama, tetapi sekurang-kurangnya tidak lah terasa kesunyian tersebut.
Balik kepada fieldtrip tadi, lokasi kedua merupakan pantai “Tremore”. Lokasi pada waktu petang di pantai ini memang dibajiri dengan anjing-anjing belaan penduduk yang menetap di kawasan berhampiran. Oleh itu, aku tidak betah duduk melabuhkan punggungku ke pasir pantai ataupun batu yang dalam “field of view” ku. Dalam perjalanan pulang ke bas, seorang rakan menegurku tentang ketidakinginan ku terhadap mahkluk Allah yang dinamakan sebagai anjing. Lalu ku meminta maaf kepada meraka seandainya perangai ku itu mungkin menyinggung perasaan mereka. Tetapi, sejuk juga hati mendapat tahu apabila rakan ku itu menyatakan dia juga serupa tetapi tidak seteruk I je!